My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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