im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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