I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
