Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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