a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
