I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
