Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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