everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
