No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
