If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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