she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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