His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
