cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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