Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
