Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
