Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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