It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
