.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
