Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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