she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
