I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
