I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
