i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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