How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Randomize
