I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize