Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the day after is always just damage control
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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