sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
