According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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