there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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