i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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