I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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