I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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