Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
