i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
