I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
