i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
