Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
