Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
