Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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