Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

Fav 13 1480 3309
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.

Fav 41 1554 7920
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(316): View more from Kansas

i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?

Fav 25 1389 3576
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(+35): View more from

Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?

Fav 12 1137 4248
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(207): View more from Maine

He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

Fav 25 9877 1327
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(612): View more from Minnesota

4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.

Fav 3 1008 778
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(619): View more from California

Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats

Fav 3 742 494
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(905): View more from Ontario

But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy

Fav 0 42 9
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(702): View more from Nevada

Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.

Fav 1 25 14
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