Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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