I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
