I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize