When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
