i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
