that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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