So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
