My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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