my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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