I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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