No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
