Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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