I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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