FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who died my cat blue again?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
