I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
