How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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