This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
