my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
