why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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