i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
