i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
