did you get engaged???
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, beer. Big fan.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
