im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So vagazzling was a success
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
