You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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