he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
