FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
