i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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