as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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