Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
