there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize