Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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