fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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