Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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