I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
honey bunches of taint.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
