Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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